What does that mean anyway? ohgohly mohgoly? It means I had lost my password and couldn't access my account till now! WHY? Because I failed to read the fine print! HOI!!! Really woman? You manage to birth and raise 8 little people but you can't figure out how to reset your password? Not to mention the fact that you daringly have driven across the country with all 8m kids, the 2 dogs, and whatever belongings you have left because you gave the rest away! I believe there is a name for this but I wont go there! LOL!!!
Either way it's good to be back and a myriad of things have happened. While forgetting my password was one small part of it it actually played into a rather BIG part of it!
I had also forgotten ME!!! How? How could I forget me? Well, I will explain.
We began this adventure with the intent of growing a deeper awareness of who I/ we were. Of embracing ALL life had to offer as well as personal developement. But here I was losing myself in this idea of what this adventure "should" mean and how I was participating or not. Whether it was fitting the image I wanted it to portray or not...... Well I am out of the box again and no longer going to wrangle myself in according to the inner voices of conformity that say, a mom should this or a mom should that... I am just gonna BE ME!! Darn it!! HA! So, there.
After I came to this all of a sudden resetting my password was a breeze and within minutes I was able to accomplish what I couldn't in months! Do you hear what I am saying? When I got back in tune with me, it became easy! EVERYTHING!! When I was attempting to be what I thought I "should" or what others wanted, MONTHS!!!
Maybe, you'll see the connection maybe you wont either way it feels good to be free!
Where to start its December now. I've not posted anything since MAY!!!!! Do I recap or just go forward? FORWARD!! Always forward, although I am believing recaps will pop up here and there, or you can just read the book ;)hehe
So, we are now in Crawfordsville, Indiana. Interesting little place, it grows on you. It's not as 'cute' as some of the neighboring towns. And when I say neighboring I am not meaning like blurred lines where you in inadvertently drive from one town to the next. Or like when I lived in Utah and I was uncertain which city I mwas in because South Jordan and West Jordan city lines were on 9400 South. I mean you literally have to drive MILES to the other towns! I've never experienced this before.
In South Jordan we had the luxury of living within driving distance of a Costco, SAMS Club, and a variety of other grocers and retailers. Now, the closest mall is in Lafayette, a good 45 min. drive. And in our gas guzzler, Bessie. It doesn't happen often.
I actually miss SAMS and Costco. I also miss Harmon's a local grocer in Utah. Interesting how things become so familiar and you begin to take them for granted. We had to drive to Lebannon, (leh-buh-nun). The wrong pronunciation is typically followed with a correct local pronunciation. It is not phonetic! I would say (Leh-buh-non) and the would say (Leh-buh-nun) EVERYTIME! It was kind of funny until I began to pick up on the local accent. Rob just laughs at me. hmmmm. wonder how long this will last and if it's as bad as he makes it seem. I think he's just teasing me to watch me wriggle. I'm sure its not bad a at all but I do now say (Leh-buh-nun) now. Anyway it was a good 45 to an hour drive just to go to our bank! ugh!!!With nothing but cornfields and occasional houses set far back off the road to look at. In all honesty, I miss Utah. We all do.
My Uncle Sale recently passed away and that's when it really hit me. That I wasn't "home". His funeral came and went and I couldn't be there. I can't even call home because it hurts too much. He had a brain aneurism and died unexpectedly. It's day's like this I wonder if I've lost my mind. However, it's also days like this I remember that other than this, it's been worth every minute!! Guess you gotta learn to live in the potential of what could be. I believe in God and know I will see him, my uncle Sale, again. And in reality had I been there, other than showing support for my sweet auntie and her amazing kids, what would I be doing? Still waiting to fulfill MY dream?
We all have a purpose and "EVERYTHING FOR A REASON!" this has been echoing in every moment of my life lately. And when I say that I mean, I literally hear it echo in my soul. As though it's attempting to remind me to keep believing in things I cannot control, change, or understand! God is wise! Just let it be :)
So, we are here in Crawfordsville, which is endearingly C'ville, and staying with some new found friends. They heard we were in town and thought it'd be cool to get to know us. The weather began to turn cold and they extended the option to stay with them to us. We've been here since about Roberts birthday. In fact we celebrated Robert's birthday here with them. It must have been the 22nd or 23rd of October.
They have 4 little kids and huge hearts! It feels more like family than friends. Some day's that makes me miss Utah more. The familiarity of family and friends.
There house is cool it was built in the late 1800's. Everything here has an antique charm. A remembrance of a world before ours. In the west it isn't quite like this. These big beautiful homes and architect aren't as common. "Servant's quarters" aren't the norm in the older homes there. Its basically the back side of the house or rooms that aren't as fancy as the rest of the house. Really makes me appreciate our evolvement. Also, makes me realize how far we need yet to go.
Much love to you and yours! Hug them tight! Make time to show you care. Saying "I love you" is powerful especially if you don't start incorporating it! You've only live once, live it to the fullest, with the most amount of joy!
And this time I'll be back SOON!!
I love you! Whether I know you or not we're all connected :)
Aloha,
Leilani
