A day in the life

Not much of what's been going on in my life is up to date. In fact I have been pretty MIA. As a result I will be catching you up in snippets with as much detail and applicable suggestions as possible.

  Today Rob and I were chillaxin' in our bedroom with the newest member of our family, Luna Fae. She's 2 months old now! Time has just flown by, and even though I know this is going to happen it still surprises me just how fast it goes.
When I was a kid my dad would say, "There's nothing swifter than the years. " I had no idea what he meant and pretty much figured he didn't either. Yet now as a mom of 9, I get it! Days can seem to drag and then the next thing you know time has elapsed and your little people are no longer "little" now they're big, with opinions and ideas and thoughts of their own!
   And the other little people that are in the house seem to be growing even faster and slower at the same time! I mean I justify my 3 yr olds immature behavior to my 17 yr old because, "he's only 3!" And at the same time, my goodness! When did he turn 4? And why are his legs so long and how did I miss this transformation? Then looking at the 17 yr old I realize a lot more time has elapsed than I had initially considered and if I'm not careful could slide down the slippery slope of nostalgia and find myself crying over things I did, or didn't, do.
  Whew!! Being a parent can be a lot of work even when nothings going on!
However, as we all know there is ALWAYS something going on. No matter how minute it may appear something is happening and ultimately leading up to the NEXT something.

Today, Robert, my oldest who is turning 20 this year. Comes into my room, remember Rob and I were chillaxin' with the baby... Yeah, that's how it goes as a parent all over the place and nowhere at the same time. Anyway, Robert comes in and says we need to help his sister, Ke'A who is just 2 yrs younger than him, better deal with the kids. Following his entrance and suggestion enters Chewy, our 3 soon to be 4 yr old. He's crying. But not the I'm hurt physically cry, although I do note that he has 2 bright red scratches on his arm going from his shoulder to his elbow. I ask him what's the matter and he replies that Ke'A my 17 yr old won't give him the remote (for the xbox). Just then my Ke'A enters to defend her actions. In my head I'm in disbelief and annoyance that his injuries are a result of her actions.  I have silent prayer in my heart to handle this fairly because I already just want yo jump to Chewy's defense!
So the questioning begins. First I ask tKe'A o tell her version, and it better be good because I'm am not happy. She proceeds to tell me that she had to intervene because he, Chewy,  had bit Arianna! Hold. There is more here than just a he say she say. I call Arianna into the room. Obviously I need more information. Arianna comes in, "what happened?" I ask. I can feel I'm maintaining an unbiased  approach, thank goodness I prayed for intervention ;) .  She proceeds to tell me that she was trying to help Chewy. He was playing Minecraft. and wanted her to move him to the next level.
  Anyway, I'm listening and then turn  and ask iChewy f this is what happened. He agrees then adds that she wouldn't give him the remote. He's not crying anymore. When we have "these" mom-ents everyone is required to let the other speak, it's my job to listen and insure they all get a chance to speak and no one runs over anyone else...... We all know how easily that can happen.  Anyway , the more people speak the more the "remote" comes up. I ask  Chewy if he's mad  about the scratches or the remote? He says "the remote". Ok this has just changed again my son isn't even mad that my 17 yr old scratches him he's just upset about the remote?
It would be so easy to just throw it out at this point, insist they all apologize, then send everyone to their rooms. Because really I don't want to play referee! But I do want them to understand each other. I do want them to cherish each other, in the long run. And I do want them to be able to resolve their own issues , justly.  So, I'll see it through to the end.
  Once again I clarify ; Chewy your  upset that  Ke'A took the remote? Yes.
You bit Arianna because she wouldn't give you back the remote? Yes.
Ke'A you scratched Chewy because he scratched you after you took the remote from him because he bit Arianna? Yes.
Arianna, chewy bit you because he wanted the remote back? She stares at me without saying a word. But her lips begin to twist as I wait for an answer. I ask the same question in a different format. Did Chewy ask for the remote back and you wouldn't give it to him? Her lips begin to twist more. I finally ask if chewy had asked her to help him and then asked for the remote back and she wouldn't give it to him? Her eyes now are pleading as she bites her lip. I state that I'm not mad but I do need to understand. She meekly says yes.
Ok, so Chewy was playing Minecraft and needed help. He asked you Arianna to help him. You did. Then he wanted the remote back and you didn't give it to him so he bit you. Ke'A you heard Arianna crying and hot angry with Chewy because he bit Arianna in his frustration Chewy scratched you so you scratched him back all because he wanted the remote back that was rightfully his in the first place.
Ke'A realizes her error. I now have to explain to my 3 yr old I understand you were upset but that does not make it ok to hurt other peoples bodies.
I tell Chewy, "you need to apologize for hurting your sisters bodies. That is not ok." I turn towards Arianna and tell her, "you need to apologize to your brother for not giving the remote back when he asked for it. He asked you for your help. Not for you to take over. Can you see why he became upset?" She says she does and they hug and apologize. I ask Ke'A if she understands why Chewy is upset. She says yes and I ask her why? She replies, " because I jumped to conclusions." I remind her that there is always more to every story than what we can see.
She apologizes for intervening without knowing the whole story.
I do let chewy know that the xbox will be turned off for awhile because of the way they chose to treat each other. This doesn't stop him from coming back and asking if he can play 5 minutes later. The answer is still no. He's not happy about it but that's not my problem.
My problem is my children were being unkind to each other. I had to help them put things into perspective. I want them to prioritize what matters!
 Things come and things go but people, people have value!!

No mascara today

My heart is hurting.(period)

It’s been about 6 months since my eldest son began dating his almost not girlfriend.

This morning at breakfast my daughter Arianna told us that her cousin Saione was asking if Robert the oldest son, loved (name omitted). My daughter replied that they were boyfriend and girlfriend. I said, “Yeah, they love each other.”

Tonight my son told me that he and his girlfriend are taking “space”.

I am sad. My heart is hurting. I wasn’t prepared to feel the break up as well. I mean, I guess I knew I might, but still, I was not prepared. To feel the ache, the tightness of chest, constriction of my throat, and finally the tears. Happy New Year huh. It’s the first day of 2016 and last night's resolution brought them to resolve to take “space”. But anyone who’s been in a relationship knows what that means. It means, there is nothing to complain about, we love each other, even like each other, it’s just not working, and we don’t know why.

We don’t want to break up, so we’ll call it “space”. When we both know it’s the end.

She’s been staying at our house for the last few months, after the place she was staying at had the owners return from their travels. But now, she’s leaving in more ways than one.

And unexpectedly, I am hurting.

 Do I cry? And what am I crying for? I guess this is where you just allow yourself to feel the feelings that want to be present. I wont own them for long, it will pass, but right now, in this moment, I am going to refrain from sobbing, but allow the tears to flow.

Thank goodness I’m not wearing mascara.

How to get your kids to do their chores!

What's next, 2016?

   With the New Year in full swing. What will 2016 bring?

My resolutions are not yet...solidified. I mean I think I know what I want but, who really knows until you have it? Right? Right. 

 Anyway, last year I feel like I lost myself a little bit. Between the hormones, adjusting to post baby, breastfeeding, having now, NINE kids, and dealing with a bipolar landlady who wouldn't fix the flooded basement till I took legal action...... I lost my, me.

  So, my resolution for this year is to simply regain, me. Not a perfect body, but my "blue print" body. What "I" really look like. Not a perfect home, but one that I enjoy. One, "I" like to come home to.  Not a perfect marriage by society standards. Rather a marriage that "I" find fun and engaging. 

  Life has a funny way of being a lot like the birthing process, with contractions and expansions. 

Last year, I contracted. And thank goodness for it!! Although, while I was in the contraction, it JUST HURT! So here we are a New year, new moment, and an option to feel the expansion. Ahhhhhhh, breathe it in. 

  I do realize however the contraction of last year didn't have to make me lose me, that was mostly because I was fighting it. You know like when you're in labor and you feel the pain and rather than breathing through it knowing it will end.  You tighten, resist, even scream, and yell about it.  All while making the pain more intense. To the degree that you're begging to be drugged or somehow 'Just be done." At least that was my case. 

     So, here we are. In my tantrum I lost "me". 

So, this year I will take the time to consider what it is I really want from my experience for 2016. Who do I want to show up as, who is my priority (believe it or not, it HAS TO be me. If my cup is empty i have nothing to give), and finally

HOW WILL I BEHAVE IN THE CONTRACTION?

So breathe my friend! Whatever you are going through, whatever you are wanting, whatever you think you can't handle, whatever you think you are desiring..... It's just on the other side of what you BELIEVE.

 Believe that you can get through it, and you will. Believe that you can have what you want, and you can. Believe that you can handle it. Believe that if you desire it, it is meant for you.

 Aftereall who is the creator of all good things? And if it makes you feel good and causes no harm to anyone else, physically.  "Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, (James 1:17)

Believing, 

Leilani :)